Oh My God!

Hi Aaliyah,

I have been wanting to introduce God to you, especially since HE introduced you to me.  Your thatha and paatti have been doing enough already, and you know a few slokas from school too but I am still not sure how or what should I be telling you about God, chanting prayers.  Your Dad has a totally different take on this.  He still looks like a preschool kid with his hands joint and eyes tightly shut as he prays and ask him which God he prays to and he will say ‘his Mom’. :D

A few days back after I gave you a bath and got you into fresh clothes, I told you why don’t you go and say some prayers.  As I was saying so to you, there were many questions running on my mind.  I was not sure if I can say that pray to God and HE will give you what you ask for.  Or are you old enough to understand that you should pray for inner strength or that God is within and all of that.  Well I join my hands in prayer, I light a lamp occasionally when I find the match box.  Since you have been born, its always been for you only, like every mother.

So coming back to you, you were chanting a few slokas or rather rapping a sloka and dancing and I tried to tell you to stand still and say it properly. Once you were done, I said, ask HIM for anything now and HE will make it happen. You looked around and saw some green apples on the dining table and turned back to the Ganesh idol and murmured something and I was curious.  I asked you what you prayed and you were like, ‘I told God to paint the apples red’.  I was amused and said, “He made them like that Aaliyah” and immediately you said with your hands on your hips, ‘Oh God! What a mistake, God has become very naughty’.  You huffed and turned away from God to face the oven which was kept beside the table and you saw a black banana.  Yes, I left it out and it became black, which by the way your Dad said that he wanted to eat but saved it for you. You went on to say, ‘Gosh! What a shame! God has made two mistakes.  HE painted the banana also black.  HE has become very naughty and I going to tell Gina aunty(your school principal) and make him stand in the naughty corner.’  I was thoroughly amused at this and even before I said something you went on to say, ‘Who is God’s class teacher?’

Aaliyah this Divine rapo that you have with God is truly refreshing.  Keep it going and remember that there will be some very religious months(read month of exam result ) ahead in your life and sometimes you need to look the other way when God goes wrong. We don’t want HIM to give you a zit on the tip of the nose, HE will get holidays to fall on a weekday, HE will get you into best pubs without id, HE will make cute guys say hi to you, HE will keep your Dad from beating them up, hair from turning grey till you turn a million, HE will make your guy get you a bigger diamond, HE will make your boss bunk work on Mondays, HE will add the extra 9s to your pay check, HE will make available every favorite dress in your size, best shoes on sale, HE will get you a husband to wake before you and bring you breakfast back in bed, and  HE will give you a child like YOU.

Unconditional If and Then

Hi Aaliyah,

A Couple of days back your Dad and I had a huuuuuuge argument over something we agreed.  He grandly accused me that every minute of his stay in the house is monitored by me and that I micro manage his time, while I end up chilling out all the time.  This is so not true.  Your Dad has only two activities.  Sleep or be awake on the couch doing push ups on the TV remote.  I finally have resolved that I will not tell him anything ever again about what chores he needs to do and that I will hire help until he pays for it through the nose.  But I am not sure how long this resolution will last as I am bursting to fling my lungs at him for all the time pass that he is enjoying.

Last night, it was your dinner time and I was checking with you as to where would you like to sit and eat.  Would you like to sit in the Computer room and watch cartoons or TV room where you can watch your Chota Bheem. TV is a MUST in your diet as it helps you go into a trance and in timely and recurring opening of your mouth. :)

You wanted to take over the TV from your Daddy and I was all for it for obvious reasons and your Dad gave you some crappy reason that it was his 'homework' to watch TV and that his class teacher would scold him if he didn’t watch it. You were mighty disappointed and were scolding him as we walked into the computer room and shouted , YOU ARE A BAD BOY DADDY…it felt like music to my ears and naturally I started putting words into your mouth and you started repeating it loudly to your Dad.  I whispered ‘I am so upset daddy’ and you yelled ‘I AM SO UPSET DADDY’…’I am feeling very hurt’…’I AM FEELING VERY HURT’…’I don’t like you’…’I DON’T LIKE YOU’…’You always watch TV and never spend time with me’ …’YOU ALWAYS WATCH TV AND NEVER SPEND TIME WITH ME…’I want another Daddy’…I WANT ANOTHER DADDY’

Suddenly, your Dad muted the TV in that room and there was a little quiet.  Maybe you made him thoughtful.  I was wondering what sentence to say next...maybe he is a bad husband and that mamma needs a new husband.  You looked at me happily and said ‘THEN??’.  So innocently and eyes sparkling with excitement.  I hushed you but went on and one like, ‘what should I say mamma’.   We just burst out laughing and your Dad joined us too. :)

Aaliyah you are at such an impressionable age.  I love raising you and enjoy every minute of it. I know, it sounds clichéd. But its true. I don’t feel overwhelmed spending time with you at all.  You are so full of life and laugh and cry and be a part of all the pranks and crazy fun we have at home.  I hope I never become boring for you.

P.S : Marriage advice :  Pretend like you know nothing.  NOTHING. ASOLUTELY NOTHING !!  Thats what they mean by 'Love you in sickness and in health'

Daddy's Navy Blues!

Hi Aaliyah,

School reopens tomorrow and I have been busy locating your bag, books and more importantly the holiday homework.  I think its hereditary that we look for the Holiday homework just a few hours before the school re-opens.  I have had big time issues completing mine in my school days and your Aaji patti will have a lot of stories about it. There was this one time when I had a lot of 3 x 3 digit multiplication exercise which I very manipulatively erased a lot of digits like 8 and 7 and 9 to 1s and 0s.  You will discover soon why I did so.  Aaji patti was so disappointed with me that she shredded all the sheets and made me re-do it.  You are already asking for an ipad, wonder where this is all going.

You dad is helping you with all the assignments and trust me he is so patiently putting up with all your tantrums. For all you know he might me the one converting all numbers to 1s and 0s in future.  Have I ever told you how difficult it is to deal with your Dad on Sunday evenings.  He is a big mess.  He is a bigger mess especially when he has been on leave and has to return to work.  He needs to maximise a lot of time with family on the eve of such days. He is the biggest mess today and you read through why.

You were pretty cool in all this and generally announcing that you want to go to office first and then after that you will go to school.  That’s how it should be actually. 

So as he was packing your bags and complaining about the size of the bag and how heavy the 100 grams school diary is for you, he was appealing in between lines for getting you to bunk school.  He went on and on about how bad you are going to feel tomorrow and how heavy your heart must be as the summer vacation has ended for you.  He also slipped in his request for a Lab pup hoping that maybe I will agree to at least any one thing by chance!

One last time, your dad tried to get you to bunk school when I pointed out to him that it is he who has the blues and he is rubbing it on to you.  I told him to keep the ‘Bye’ very quick and not wave to you until the car is 'dot' to him.  Once again I could see the 'KAL NENJAKKARI’ look in his eyes. (Stone hearted)

He has spent the last 3 weeks with you and done such interesting activities with you, that he is going to miss all the fun.  He took you ice skating, cycling almost all days, generally drove you around and got you ice creams, taught you to play chess like carom, took you for a haircut and stood beside you like a bouncer as an implied warning to the stylist that ‘you are dead meat if the scissor even pokes my daughter’. Bouncers are guys you will spot at pubs and discs, which YOU may never because your Dad is never going to let you see the face of one.  Even if you manage to, he will have a talk with the DJ first.  Not to worry, I will sneak you down, if you promise to take me along. :P.

You are taking it really well Aaliyah.  No blues at all. :) My rockstar you will be.  I think its better for me to tell you to keep your ‘Bye’ quick with your dad else we are going to be spending a good amount on tissues.  Happy Schooling Aal!

Kisses n Creases...

Hi Aaliyah,

I know I know.  I am not a regular here.  But in my defence. . . there are so many moments of my life when my mind is hovering in this space, thinking about what all I need to tell you. You are just so amazing, I wish all my thoughts would just get converted into a movie with my narration as the background.

Couple of days back when I was sitting at the foot of the bed and on Facebook just catching up with my friends even though there were a half billion odd jobs that I needed to do around the house.  I had conveniently slipped in a movie DVD for you to watch to buy time. :) This is your all time fav (out of the other trillion favs) ‘Alvin and Chipmunks’.  The movie was coming to an end and so was my cross country chattathon. 

I was glancing around the room briefly to see what are the top 5 things I need to attend to and next 100 that your dad can do.  There was a pile of ironed clothes which was one of my jobs.  I was just about to log out that Suha aunty cracked me up again and she really has a talent to glue me to the FB.  You must make her your Tamil language SPOC and the first lessons on ‘Adding Salt’, ‘tell me tell me’, ‘Veri’ and ‘Cha’ are a must to attend in person or atleast on FB.

Coming back to the clothes, suddenly the last song witch doctor started to play in the movie and you jumped up on the chair where the clothes were kept and started to dance.  I saw that and my BP just rose like it was your Dad dancing on them.  Just as I was about to use my ‘Stern, firm and Loud voice’ wildcard which you follow on the first call itself… you shot a look at me and threw some kisses to me like I was a crazy fan in a rock concert who was just about to pass out.  That kiss was like, ‘here you go sweetheart, you will remember this for life’.

I was instantly unplugged :) It felt like someone just turned on the AC on my face and ran some cold water through my feet.  I did not remember that you were to be disciplined anymore seeing you enjoy the moment and taking the time to blow me kisses.  For the next few minutes I thoroughly enjoyed your performance with my right cheek resting on my right palm. Some creases define life
 
Aaliyah, I often wonder what you will be when you grow. . .and never wished anything except that you should enjoy it.  But today seeing you like this made me feel like you will be a rockstar one day and I just want to say that I promise not to embarrass you, please get me the first seat and I will blow a million kisses to you until the guards hose me away. . .

Complex Simplicity

Hi Aaliyah,

We had gone down to the park today as it was Sunday evening and we had no great plans of going anywhere else. We at this point of time live in the Cantonment area and everything about this place is great, greenery, close to nature, in the heart of the city, still tucked away from the craziness of a metro city.  Everything awesome, except the park.  Every swing is broken and sharp edges everywhere and no idea when they would want to repair it.  Even though its unsafe for not just you but all other children happily playing here, we make sure that you are safe.  

There is one swing which is not so broken and as you were done swinging and generally hopping around, I was just feeling so upset about the state of this play area and wondered when you would ever get to play in a nice place.  In between these thoughts I was just calling out to you, telling you not to pick things from the ground and I was also checking my emails on my phone. 

I suddenly paid attention to what you were doing and there you had collected a lot of twigs and piled them up like a Bonfire, a Bonsai one.  You jumped up and told me that you are going to light a fire there.  I was mighty thrilled at your ability to have fun out of almost nothing.  It was a huge inspiration too.  You knew how to be happy and not worry about broken swings or non-functional merry go rounds.  I took pics and BBMed it to your dad, for him to see.  There is so much to learn frm you Aaliyah and I hope you always remember that its so simple to be happy.

After sometime I proudly walked you out of the park and as we reached the so-called jogging track, you decided to play a little bit more and made a small mountain of sand and stuck a twig on top of it and said it was a birthday cake.  I was thrilled again.  You even told me that its my birthday.  You then asked me, how old I was and I looked around to see if anyone heard it and said in a very gentle voice that I was 33 years old.  You started to clap that many times and it really seemed longer than I thought.  Then you jumped and shouted in happiness and said wow mamma you are 33 years old and just then some people had to be walking by.

My little one, your simplicity is too much for me to handle :) so just remember to forget how old your mom is.  I will always be 23 years and a million months old :).

Milk Tutorial

Every weekday morning, its a sight to watch me getting you ready.  Infact every mom must be a sight because, no matter how early one wakes up, we are always late for the cab,  No amount of time is sufficient for getting you ready on time.  So, I am like, full focus on that one single glass on milk and hoping that by some miracle you will gulp it down in a minute.  Every two seconds  I am motivating you, scolding you, apologising to you for having raised my voice and begging you to finish and in all this, trying find that 'Cool...Calm...Compose!!!'   In short, I am a freak show. 

Often your Dad used to remind me that she needs to enjoy that glass on milk and drink and I would be like 'Pfft! Yeah right!!  Enjoy the milk?  Like that's ever going to happen'.  I would always dismiss his morning infoshare with utmost sarcasm and raise the glass to him, to be on the job and he would fall silent.

One Saturday morning, we all woke at the same time and I got the glass of Bournvita to make you drink.  My first line was going to be, 'Jaldi finish Kar do', out of habit.  Then I thought that since I am in no hurry to rush anywhere, let me try to do what your Dad suggested.  I said, 'No worries, aaraam se piyo'.  I am sure when you looked at me, you thought, what happened to the regular witch who used to come everyday?

You then sat on a raised level on a bolster and took the glass from me and held it like a mike and your posture and attitude and facial expression all started to change.  Suddenly you were a chat show host!  And I was the guest.   You introduced me to your imaginary audience and went on to say in a perfectly British accent (Thanks to cee bee bies)


Good morning everybody!!  My name is Aaliyah Kishore and this is MY beautiful Mamma.  Today we are going to teach you to drink this glass of milk and this is how you do it.  You need one glass, some milk and you do mix mix mix and you take one sip, and two sip and three sip...thrity seven sip.  And there you have an empty glass and then you do a big burp and then you all will clap for Aaliyah and have strong muscles and have dood ki shakti and live happily ever after.  Thanks you!!  See you soon..Byeeee.

You stood up and took a bow and I was like clapping away like you got the Nobel prize for the drink milk category.  We laughed and laughed and hugged and kissed and lots of love flowed after that. 

This was my first chat show ever. I loved every bit of it. Yes your Dad was right.  You did enjoy it.  I am sure I will still be running around like a headless chicken in the week day mornings, but I promise not to cluck loudly.  And yes, cant wait for the next show.

Fluffy Squirrel

Hi Aaliyah,

Its a week since you graduated. . . from prenursery :) Thanks to your school they put up a wonderful show. You happened to act in a play, which was an adaption of the famous fairy tale, Cinderella and you played the fluffy squirrel. You were disappointed playing it, as you wanted to play the Cinderella because you loved the Gown she would get to wear. All through the week before the play you kept saying to me that you want to be the 'NOT SQUIRREL' :)

I called up your teacher to ask if any change is possible. Maybe the role of a step sister or so, who also wore a gown in the play, but no luck. Then I decided to make best of the situation and tried to tell great things about a squirrel and make believe stories about how great a squirrel is and you couldn't just care.

In all this, we have forgotten the pivotal character 'Your Dad' who was on YOUR side and said, lets just change school. No, No , its not because he did not like this one. Yes, it was to get admission into any other school who would let you graduate from their school a week after you take admission and let you play a character who wears a flowing gown and so it would make you happy. He even wanted to bunk the grad ceremony and not send you, which I did not let happen.

I took a day off from work, and took you costume shopping and you hated me more when I was trying it out on you. Your droopy shoulder, pink tip of the nose, lower lip turned inside out and the eyes full of tears which had not yet flown to the cheek, said it all. It was heart breaking for me. But I did not know how to make you feel better. Icecreams, choclates, pizza, nothing felt good.

On the day of the graduation, your dad was the saddest and both of you were not believing 'The world best squirrel' story I told you while we drove. Then the play started and you did all that you were supposed to do very very well. There was a scene when only cinderella was on stage and you were backstage. You came to the side of the stage and stood there and were looking at Cinderella, longingly. It shred your Dad's heart. If you see the video he was shooting, the focus had shifted to zooming into you and trying to see if you were crying. Only I know how difficult it was to keep him seated for the rest of the event. Every 10 secs he was shifting in his seat uncomfortably. After the event, he quickly picked you and walked away. We went to celebrate at Pizza hut and got home and snoozed. On the way I asked him what was the moment in the day and he said, Aaliyah was standing on the side and feeling sad.


When we woke in the evening, he made you wear a beautiful gown and started re-creating the play and you were super enthu. I was asked to play the guest appearance of the cruel step mother, which is a choice your dad made with a smile. All other characters were played by your dad. The step brother, father, step sister, father, squirrel, prince, fairy God mother, soldiers everyone. You were mighty mighty thrilled and so was your dad. You both danced and danced and danced all through the evening as I sat and soaked in every moment of it, making a mental note of all the sweet somethings.

I dont know if what your dad did was the right thing or not. But I want you to learn this from your dad. I want you to learn from your dad how to love a daughter, feel for her, feel all that she feels, be a part of her disappointment and hold her all through, making sure she feels better and on top of the world, make every change possible. Love you Aaliyah and Congratulations on the graduation :)

A shoulder to climb on

Hi Aaliyah,

I know it seems like I almost had another baby and forgot about you and your blog. But its not true.... Thankfully. There were too many things happening at my end. Some good, Some great and Some for the good. Will tell you all about it soon. After a long time this weekend was cool and we spent a lot of time at home and chilled. Last evening, a Saturday evening, I was in the kitchen and cooking dinner and your Dad was at the dining table with his laptop and you were as usual on his left shoulder trying to NOT let him do was he was doing.

You never do this to me by the way. Its like 'you own your Dad' and even though he begs you in between to let him do his job, he loves every bit of it, because there is a kiss every 10 secs. Its like a default setting. The typical Kishore's gritting his teeth and holding 'you' like its the first ever time and giving you a kiss on your Chin. He doesn't know this. but I observe him all the time. I can actually count to 9 and on 10 he would look at you and give you a Kiss. Touchwood you are so lucky Aaliyah. Even though you are on his shoulder and trying to climb all over him, and he is telling you that you may fall on his precious laptop and its very expensive etc, his hands are carefully holding 'only you' and every time you are about to fall, he is always reaching out to make sure you land safely. His hands are always cupping the edgy table corners so that you dont bump you head.

And by chance you do bump your head anywhere, OMG the impact on your Dad. The next few minutes would be about how it happened, why, how it could have been avoided, maybe a band aid, some feel good food, blaming me(even if I have nothing to do with it), cursing the furniture that hurt you. Then followed by another few minutes of questions on 'are you feeling better Aaliyah' .

Not to forget when we are inside the car. Until he sees all the ten fingers and ten toes well inside the car, the doors cannot be closed. There have been days when he is so busy checking on you that he doesn't realize that he has half closed his door.

Trust me you are no less, you love every ounce of that pity love, coz you know you get that only from Daddy. If it was me, you know you will have to just dust yourself and move on. Ofcourse, your Dad calls me 'Kal nenjakkari' (Stone hearted) for that. :)

You may go through a lot of Bumps and hurts in life, and you know that you will always have a shoulder to climb on. Love you Aaliyah!

Aal the care I need

Hi Aaliyah,

I have been suffering from severe back ache for the last 4 days now and its getting unbearable from time to time. In this time Aaliyah, you too did not attend school as I was not fit enough to get you ready also. Also you too were partly not well.

In the beginning I thought maybe it would be difficult to care for you all by myself especially with me on the bed all the time. But the last few days has come as a pleasant and comforting surprise to me Aal. You were beside me allllll the time. Every minute of it. You would even wait outside the bathroom and ask me if I was OK when I came out. The bed is full of crayons and colouring books because you decided to colour so many drawings for me and everytime you finished a picture, you would ask me to close my eyes and scream out ‘Surprise!!!!’ and say ‘This is for you’.

To tell you the truth I was very depressed thinking of my health. But your smile refreshed me so much and all the injections you gave me during the pretend play session surely made me feel better. We even watched a George Clooney (your ‘could have been’ daddy) movie. I want to write a lot more here but my back is giving away. I just want to say that I love you so much and need you every minute of my life.

Joey : Phoebe

Hi Aaliyah,

When you read this post I am sure it will the right of me to say that 'Long Long ago there used to be a TV program called Friends'. I used to watch it very regularly and infact watched the re-reuns a million times over. Like most of us, I too identified with one of the characters in it. Phoebe..crazy and wonderfully weird. I am sure you will find a set of all the CDs of this Serial somewhere in my old boxes. There was this one other character called Joey. An awesome character and makes you want to just take him home. Complete womanizer and would do anything for a sandwich.

When you were about to be born, your Dad and I did not want to tell anyone about it until a few months later. But Uncle Vips was one of those, who we had to share this news. I have known Vips for the last 15 years or so and we used to work/not work together. He is the best dressed friend of mine and I hope he still is when you read this. He wanted to have a rock band of his own and name it ‘SHIT’ which stood for Small Handsome Indian Teenagers and broke into the airport runway once when he was maybe 8 or so. He will have a lot of stories to tell you.

I used to be his love guru and give him tips of what girls like and some fine tuning here and there etc. Above all he was the one who gave me the name ‘Jo’.

One day when I chatting with him and you were yet to be born, and he mentioned that he is going to go to tirupati and I was like ‘Ladddooooo’. He asked if I liked the laddo and I was like 'who doesn’t!!'. It is the most divine prasadam on the face of earth and everywhere else. It used to be very tough to get Tirupati laddoo in our times, not sure how it would be as you are reading this. Maybe even home delivery I guess. :) within 30 minutes or so. Anyways, a few days later, I got a courier and when I opened it, what do I seee…a nice Laddo of the size of a shot put ball, smiling back at me. Neatly packed and sent by Uncle vips. I was dialling his number as I was polishing off the laddo. I was so thrilled and I am pretty sure you enjoyed it too. Vips then told, ‘Jo, please keep some for Kishore too’ and I looked down at the box to see some crumbs left. I said, ‘Ofcourse, I will share the crumbs with him’.

Coming to Joey and Phoebe, that is what your uncle Vips is to me. He is nothing like Joey..he is smarter and cooler, but Vips is what Joey was for Phoebe. :)

Vogue..Raymond n Pizza

Hi Aaliyah,

Do you know that you actually wanted to come ahead of time. Yeah! its not as cool as it sounds. . . read on.

Somewhere around my 5th month of pregnancy one day I was not feeling upto it and when your dad came home I told him so and we decided to go to the Doctor, he came in his Uniform as he had a night duty that day. When we met the doctor she took me to the emergency room and your dad was left behind in the waiting area. The doctor then said, lets get you admitted and she told me where the room would be and casually and 'as a matter of fact' told that maybe she is in Labour and started walking away. I held her hand and said 'I am sorry, I did not get you'. She then repeated saying 'maybe you will lose your baby, lets wait and watch'. Those were the most cruel words I have heard in my life. I did not want to say anything, i couldn't speak, I couldn't cry, I felt blank and cold head to toe and even before I realised I was taken to another room and your Dad came to the room to see me.

I gave him a faint fake smile as I thought I would not tell him, not realising that the Doctor had already told him. He too returned the fake but assuring smile and said, 'I will quickly go change and get some change of clothes for you too, just be here, I need to call work too and say I wouldn't be able to come.' Just then the nurse came and said, one person can stay with the patient overnight. So your dad it was.

I was sitting by the window alone, thinking about the first wonderful four months and how your Dad pampered me and how will I ever tell him what the doc told me (still not knowing your dad knew) I was alone for about 2 hours or so, and I was just sitting in that chair looking out of the window.

Then your dad came with a huge bag and I was wondering, 'Does he think I am going to be here for ever?' I went into the washroom and changed, silently cried and washed my face and as I stepped out your Dad smiled radiantly, took my hand, made me sit on the bed, gave me the latest Vogue magazine which he picked up on the way. Then as I looked around, he had got pizza so that I didn't have to eat the boring hospital khana. Then he opened the Laptop and played an episode of 'Everybody Loves Raymond' and sat beside me.

I hugged him and sobbed my heart out and told him what the doctor told me and he paused the episode and told me that he knew it. As I searched his face for some worry, my eyes were blurred with tears so I couldn't see much he rubbed my back and said, lets hope for the best and be upbeat and all will be well. He wiped my tears with his big palm, that I felt that my eye balls were pushed into my stomach.

We shared the one bed and I hugged him like a teddy bear and slept all night while he was up reading a book. I bet he read a little bit of Vogue too. The next day I was off for a scan and all was well and I heard your heartbeat and the friendly radiologist said, 'She is going to be very talkative child' :)

Yes you did have plans for arriving early. . . but the pizza pushed you back in place. :)