A shoulder to climb on

Hi Aaliyah,

I know it seems like I almost had another baby and forgot about you and your blog. But its not true.... Thankfully. There were too many things happening at my end. Some good, Some great and Some for the good. Will tell you all about it soon. After a long time this weekend was cool and we spent a lot of time at home and chilled. Last evening, a Saturday evening, I was in the kitchen and cooking dinner and your Dad was at the dining table with his laptop and you were as usual on his left shoulder trying to NOT let him do was he was doing.

You never do this to me by the way. Its like 'you own your Dad' and even though he begs you in between to let him do his job, he loves every bit of it, because there is a kiss every 10 secs. Its like a default setting. The typical Kishore's gritting his teeth and holding 'you' like its the first ever time and giving you a kiss on your Chin. He doesn't know this. but I observe him all the time. I can actually count to 9 and on 10 he would look at you and give you a Kiss. Touchwood you are so lucky Aaliyah. Even though you are on his shoulder and trying to climb all over him, and he is telling you that you may fall on his precious laptop and its very expensive etc, his hands are carefully holding 'only you' and every time you are about to fall, he is always reaching out to make sure you land safely. His hands are always cupping the edgy table corners so that you dont bump you head.

And by chance you do bump your head anywhere, OMG the impact on your Dad. The next few minutes would be about how it happened, why, how it could have been avoided, maybe a band aid, some feel good food, blaming me(even if I have nothing to do with it), cursing the furniture that hurt you. Then followed by another few minutes of questions on 'are you feeling better Aaliyah' .

Not to forget when we are inside the car. Until he sees all the ten fingers and ten toes well inside the car, the doors cannot be closed. There have been days when he is so busy checking on you that he doesn't realize that he has half closed his door.

Trust me you are no less, you love every ounce of that pity love, coz you know you get that only from Daddy. If it was me, you know you will have to just dust yourself and move on. Ofcourse, your Dad calls me 'Kal nenjakkari' (Stone hearted) for that. :)

You may go through a lot of Bumps and hurts in life, and you know that you will always have a shoulder to climb on. Love you Aaliyah!

Aal the care I need

Hi Aaliyah,

I have been suffering from severe back ache for the last 4 days now and its getting unbearable from time to time. In this time Aaliyah, you too did not attend school as I was not fit enough to get you ready also. Also you too were partly not well.

In the beginning I thought maybe it would be difficult to care for you all by myself especially with me on the bed all the time. But the last few days has come as a pleasant and comforting surprise to me Aal. You were beside me allllll the time. Every minute of it. You would even wait outside the bathroom and ask me if I was OK when I came out. The bed is full of crayons and colouring books because you decided to colour so many drawings for me and everytime you finished a picture, you would ask me to close my eyes and scream out ‘Surprise!!!!’ and say ‘This is for you’.

To tell you the truth I was very depressed thinking of my health. But your smile refreshed me so much and all the injections you gave me during the pretend play session surely made me feel better. We even watched a George Clooney (your ‘could have been’ daddy) movie. I want to write a lot more here but my back is giving away. I just want to say that I love you so much and need you every minute of my life.

Joey : Phoebe

Hi Aaliyah,

When you read this post I am sure it will the right of me to say that 'Long Long ago there used to be a TV program called Friends'. I used to watch it very regularly and infact watched the re-reuns a million times over. Like most of us, I too identified with one of the characters in it. Phoebe..crazy and wonderfully weird. I am sure you will find a set of all the CDs of this Serial somewhere in my old boxes. There was this one other character called Joey. An awesome character and makes you want to just take him home. Complete womanizer and would do anything for a sandwich.

When you were about to be born, your Dad and I did not want to tell anyone about it until a few months later. But Uncle Vips was one of those, who we had to share this news. I have known Vips for the last 15 years or so and we used to work/not work together. He is the best dressed friend of mine and I hope he still is when you read this. He wanted to have a rock band of his own and name it ‘SHIT’ which stood for Small Handsome Indian Teenagers and broke into the airport runway once when he was maybe 8 or so. He will have a lot of stories to tell you.

I used to be his love guru and give him tips of what girls like and some fine tuning here and there etc. Above all he was the one who gave me the name ‘Jo’.

One day when I chatting with him and you were yet to be born, and he mentioned that he is going to go to tirupati and I was like ‘Ladddooooo’. He asked if I liked the laddo and I was like 'who doesn’t!!'. It is the most divine prasadam on the face of earth and everywhere else. It used to be very tough to get Tirupati laddoo in our times, not sure how it would be as you are reading this. Maybe even home delivery I guess. :) within 30 minutes or so. Anyways, a few days later, I got a courier and when I opened it, what do I seee…a nice Laddo of the size of a shot put ball, smiling back at me. Neatly packed and sent by Uncle vips. I was dialling his number as I was polishing off the laddo. I was so thrilled and I am pretty sure you enjoyed it too. Vips then told, ‘Jo, please keep some for Kishore too’ and I looked down at the box to see some crumbs left. I said, ‘Ofcourse, I will share the crumbs with him’.

Coming to Joey and Phoebe, that is what your uncle Vips is to me. He is nothing like Joey..he is smarter and cooler, but Vips is what Joey was for Phoebe. :)

Vogue..Raymond n Pizza

Hi Aaliyah,

Do you know that you actually wanted to come ahead of time. Yeah! its not as cool as it sounds. . . read on.

Somewhere around my 5th month of pregnancy one day I was not feeling upto it and when your dad came home I told him so and we decided to go to the Doctor, he came in his Uniform as he had a night duty that day. When we met the doctor she took me to the emergency room and your dad was left behind in the waiting area. The doctor then said, lets get you admitted and she told me where the room would be and casually and 'as a matter of fact' told that maybe she is in Labour and started walking away. I held her hand and said 'I am sorry, I did not get you'. She then repeated saying 'maybe you will lose your baby, lets wait and watch'. Those were the most cruel words I have heard in my life. I did not want to say anything, i couldn't speak, I couldn't cry, I felt blank and cold head to toe and even before I realised I was taken to another room and your Dad came to the room to see me.

I gave him a faint fake smile as I thought I would not tell him, not realising that the Doctor had already told him. He too returned the fake but assuring smile and said, 'I will quickly go change and get some change of clothes for you too, just be here, I need to call work too and say I wouldn't be able to come.' Just then the nurse came and said, one person can stay with the patient overnight. So your dad it was.

I was sitting by the window alone, thinking about the first wonderful four months and how your Dad pampered me and how will I ever tell him what the doc told me (still not knowing your dad knew) I was alone for about 2 hours or so, and I was just sitting in that chair looking out of the window.

Then your dad came with a huge bag and I was wondering, 'Does he think I am going to be here for ever?' I went into the washroom and changed, silently cried and washed my face and as I stepped out your Dad smiled radiantly, took my hand, made me sit on the bed, gave me the latest Vogue magazine which he picked up on the way. Then as I looked around, he had got pizza so that I didn't have to eat the boring hospital khana. Then he opened the Laptop and played an episode of 'Everybody Loves Raymond' and sat beside me.

I hugged him and sobbed my heart out and told him what the doctor told me and he paused the episode and told me that he knew it. As I searched his face for some worry, my eyes were blurred with tears so I couldn't see much he rubbed my back and said, lets hope for the best and be upbeat and all will be well. He wiped my tears with his big palm, that I felt that my eye balls were pushed into my stomach.

We shared the one bed and I hugged him like a teddy bear and slept all night while he was up reading a book. I bet he read a little bit of Vogue too. The next day I was off for a scan and all was well and I heard your heartbeat and the friendly radiologist said, 'She is going to be very talkative child' :)

Yes you did have plans for arriving early. . . but the pizza pushed you back in place. :)

Talk softly

Hi Aaliyah,

Once again, after a long time I got the chance to sit down alone while you are busy playing with your cousin gowri in the other room. You love it when someone visits. You just get attached instantly and you dont like them leaving at all. Infact I am very very worried how you are going to handle it when Gowri leaves.

About a year back, Cheeku (my sister vidya) came for your last year graduation party and was there for a couple of days. This was the phase when you were picking up a lot of conversational skills and every time you wanted to say something you would shout out so loudly or sometimes throw a tantrum too. Everytime you did that I used to tell you 'talk softly' and you would lower your voice by half,sometimes it would still be loud and I would say, 'more softly' and your voice would turn into a soft and polite tone and then I used to honor your request. So your understanding was that everytime you lowered your voice your request would be met.

When cheeku was about to leave, we tried to tell you how its important for her to return to Mumbai and she would come back soon and you just did not want to understand it at all. You kept distracting us with something else, probably thinking that we will forget about cheeku leaving.

As we reached the airport, you were inconsolable, we had to peel you off Cheeku as she left heavy heartedly. As we forced you back into the car you kept screaming,banging on the glass,'Cheeku, come back, come back, dont go,come back'. You went on and on and we became quiet. It was very very sad and I too felt so bad for you. Suddenly, you spoke softly between sobs,'Cheeku,Please come back' and then you paused and spoke even more softly sobbing more,'Cheeku please come back,dont go'. I then realised what you were doing. You thought that maybe by talking softly she would get the point and return to you.

That made tears flow down my eyes too as I too started to miss cheeku and seeing you so sad made it all the more difficult. You were fine in a couple of days but, it left a lasting impression in my mind of how you thought you could turn around the situation.

Cheeku means the world to me and so do you. To see you both bonding just made my heart go gooey :)

Happy Birthday Aaliyah - 22 January 2012 6:28:55 AM

Sunday, 22 January 2012 6:28:55 AM

Happy Birthday Aaliyah Rani! No chinnu, I know your Birthday is on Jan 21^st, but I wanted to maximise time with you yesterday so, even though I wanted to post something yesterday, I just couldn’t. After a huge party and fun celebrations, we all crashed early and I woke early with a start. Just like how I did 4 years ago, in the ICU of the hospital on 22 January 2008. All my grogginess gone and up and feeling crisp. I sat there as I waited for the nurse to get me ready to come and meet you. This was the first time your Dad and I were going to meet you together as parents.

I tried to look best in the sad Kerala Nighty. The excitement was such that I tried to get down from the bed and started to take 2 steps and suddenly collapsed (guess there was a last left over drop of anaesthesia that HAD to take effect). Next thing I knew I was in a wheel chair being wheeled to the room where you were. I did not want you to see me in wheelchair and my heart was beating real fast, thinking about seeing your dad’s reaction too.

As I entered the room your Aaji paatti and Daddy happily received me and THEN… I saw a cradle. I never visualised a cradle in my mental picture. Heart beat faster. I got onto the bed and I thought they would get you to me, but patti said, she is sleeping, lets not disturb her. My face dropped. How much more should I wait. I could barely get up to see you and then I told your Dad that it was already unfair that the ICU guys did not let me see you most of all day yesterday and even today I have to wait. Then your dad said, ‘she was born at 9:55 AM da, so technically we are still within 24 hours and it IS her birthday even now. :)

In a few minutes you woke and your dad placed you in my arms and since then the space between my arms and my heart has always been filled by you. Happy Birthday Rajaathee.

So now we can tell Suhasini aunty that she can watch out for the the Birthday post as well.

Picasso Pedicure

Hi Aaliyah,

Just got back from a holiday with you. Thats why the long pause. You and I had been to the Corbett national park to sight tigers which we did not by the way. There was a lot of no TV time so your Dad and you were deprived of Arnab Goswami for a few days. Please forgive me. This got your Dad to spend his time doing things for family. We played Table tennis and Carom and Chess, all according to your rules. I cannot even tell you the number of times your dad had to pick the ball and you were to serve ALL the time.

It was freezing outside so we decided to be indoors for a while. Now you decided that you wanted your nails painted. No questions asked, your Dad reached out to my toiletries pouch and started to paint your nails.

This took me about 10 years back when your dad and I had just got married and we had gone out to the store to buy some random things. There was a make up counter selling some girlie stuff and your dad asked me if I needed something and I was a lil shy to buy something from 'His' money and said no. He said 'take something na'. Then I went and bought a nail paint.

Later in the night I was painting my nails and your Dad was looking at them. Yes, I was thinking the exact same thing as you are. 'How romantic of him' until Picasso decided to point out that he can make out the 'Brush Strokes' and thats not how I should be doing it. My Jaw dropped open. He then said, 'give it to me I will show you how'. He started painting my toe nails and I thought the exact same thing in your head. . . . 'Mom is crazy, Daddy IS romantic' until he started to paint them like an amateur carpenter trying to fill in for the painter who did not turn up for work.

Anyways, it was still cute so I let him do the damage. Then he asked me how much it cost and I said '50 bucks'. He was shocked that a bottle so small cost so much when a whole box of poster colors cost much lesser. Yes, thats not what he said. That is what he was THINKING. He tried to take the wet paint from the last nail he had painted and put it back into the bottle and as he closed it tight he said, 'At this cost you should be painting only your finger nails and not toes, that too on special occasions'.

Flying back to 2012, as this episode ended playing on my head, your dad had finished painting 3 coats of my L'oreal nail paint which must have cost 5 times the older one on all twenty nails of yours and I am pretty sure he would have let you paint it on the walls too as your BAD MOM did not have the presence of mind to carry water colors for you.

Then your Dad sternly tells me, 'Aaliyah's nails are still wet, don't smudge them'.

You have any thoughts? Leave a comment Aaliyah! I am still recovering.