Talk softly

Hi Aaliyah,

Once again, after a long time I got the chance to sit down alone while you are busy playing with your cousin gowri in the other room. You love it when someone visits. You just get attached instantly and you dont like them leaving at all. Infact I am very very worried how you are going to handle it when Gowri leaves.

About a year back, Cheeku (my sister vidya) came for your last year graduation party and was there for a couple of days. This was the phase when you were picking up a lot of conversational skills and every time you wanted to say something you would shout out so loudly or sometimes throw a tantrum too. Everytime you did that I used to tell you 'talk softly' and you would lower your voice by half,sometimes it would still be loud and I would say, 'more softly' and your voice would turn into a soft and polite tone and then I used to honor your request. So your understanding was that everytime you lowered your voice your request would be met.

When cheeku was about to leave, we tried to tell you how its important for her to return to Mumbai and she would come back soon and you just did not want to understand it at all. You kept distracting us with something else, probably thinking that we will forget about cheeku leaving.

As we reached the airport, you were inconsolable, we had to peel you off Cheeku as she left heavy heartedly. As we forced you back into the car you kept screaming,banging on the glass,'Cheeku, come back, come back, dont go,come back'. You went on and on and we became quiet. It was very very sad and I too felt so bad for you. Suddenly, you spoke softly between sobs,'Cheeku,Please come back' and then you paused and spoke even more softly sobbing more,'Cheeku please come back,dont go'. I then realised what you were doing. You thought that maybe by talking softly she would get the point and return to you.

That made tears flow down my eyes too as I too started to miss cheeku and seeing you so sad made it all the more difficult. You were fine in a couple of days but, it left a lasting impression in my mind of how you thought you could turn around the situation.

Cheeku means the world to me and so do you. To see you both bonding just made my heart go gooey :)

Happy Birthday Aaliyah - 22 January 2012 6:28:55 AM

Sunday, 22 January 2012 6:28:55 AM

Happy Birthday Aaliyah Rani! No chinnu, I know your Birthday is on Jan 21^st, but I wanted to maximise time with you yesterday so, even though I wanted to post something yesterday, I just couldn’t. After a huge party and fun celebrations, we all crashed early and I woke early with a start. Just like how I did 4 years ago, in the ICU of the hospital on 22 January 2008. All my grogginess gone and up and feeling crisp. I sat there as I waited for the nurse to get me ready to come and meet you. This was the first time your Dad and I were going to meet you together as parents.

I tried to look best in the sad Kerala Nighty. The excitement was such that I tried to get down from the bed and started to take 2 steps and suddenly collapsed (guess there was a last left over drop of anaesthesia that HAD to take effect). Next thing I knew I was in a wheel chair being wheeled to the room where you were. I did not want you to see me in wheelchair and my heart was beating real fast, thinking about seeing your dad’s reaction too.

As I entered the room your Aaji paatti and Daddy happily received me and THEN… I saw a cradle. I never visualised a cradle in my mental picture. Heart beat faster. I got onto the bed and I thought they would get you to me, but patti said, she is sleeping, lets not disturb her. My face dropped. How much more should I wait. I could barely get up to see you and then I told your Dad that it was already unfair that the ICU guys did not let me see you most of all day yesterday and even today I have to wait. Then your dad said, ‘she was born at 9:55 AM da, so technically we are still within 24 hours and it IS her birthday even now. :)

In a few minutes you woke and your dad placed you in my arms and since then the space between my arms and my heart has always been filled by you. Happy Birthday Rajaathee.

So now we can tell Suhasini aunty that she can watch out for the the Birthday post as well.

Picasso Pedicure

Hi Aaliyah,

Just got back from a holiday with you. Thats why the long pause. You and I had been to the Corbett national park to sight tigers which we did not by the way. There was a lot of no TV time so your Dad and you were deprived of Arnab Goswami for a few days. Please forgive me. This got your Dad to spend his time doing things for family. We played Table tennis and Carom and Chess, all according to your rules. I cannot even tell you the number of times your dad had to pick the ball and you were to serve ALL the time.

It was freezing outside so we decided to be indoors for a while. Now you decided that you wanted your nails painted. No questions asked, your Dad reached out to my toiletries pouch and started to paint your nails.

This took me about 10 years back when your dad and I had just got married and we had gone out to the store to buy some random things. There was a make up counter selling some girlie stuff and your dad asked me if I needed something and I was a lil shy to buy something from 'His' money and said no. He said 'take something na'. Then I went and bought a nail paint.

Later in the night I was painting my nails and your Dad was looking at them. Yes, I was thinking the exact same thing as you are. 'How romantic of him' until Picasso decided to point out that he can make out the 'Brush Strokes' and thats not how I should be doing it. My Jaw dropped open. He then said, 'give it to me I will show you how'. He started painting my toe nails and I thought the exact same thing in your head. . . . 'Mom is crazy, Daddy IS romantic' until he started to paint them like an amateur carpenter trying to fill in for the painter who did not turn up for work.

Anyways, it was still cute so I let him do the damage. Then he asked me how much it cost and I said '50 bucks'. He was shocked that a bottle so small cost so much when a whole box of poster colors cost much lesser. Yes, thats not what he said. That is what he was THINKING. He tried to take the wet paint from the last nail he had painted and put it back into the bottle and as he closed it tight he said, 'At this cost you should be painting only your finger nails and not toes, that too on special occasions'.

Flying back to 2012, as this episode ended playing on my head, your dad had finished painting 3 coats of my L'oreal nail paint which must have cost 5 times the older one on all twenty nails of yours and I am pretty sure he would have let you paint it on the walls too as your BAD MOM did not have the presence of mind to carry water colors for you.

Then your Dad sternly tells me, 'Aaliyah's nails are still wet, don't smudge them'.

You have any thoughts? Leave a comment Aaliyah! I am still recovering.

Relocating to the South

No Aaliyah! Its not what you are thinking. Its the South Pole. Yeah! Antartica. Not sure if it will still be there when you read this but you can Google to see what it was. i.e if Google is still there. Anyways.

When you were 7 months old, Daddy, you and I drove down from Karwar to Goa. It was a 2 hour drive which your Dad successfully crawled in 5 hours. All because there was a Baby on Board. I am the one in the family with a bad back and your dad would check on YOU at every speed breaker and pot hole he managed to get in and out of. The same day cheeku and chaachu with Maji and Piya, and PG were at Goa but for a short while. Cheeku rushed to see you and show you off to Chaachu for about 20 minutes and rushed to take her train back.

Thats it! Right after that you Dad seemed very troubled in small installements and I knew that there was something about 'LIFE' that he was going to conclude.

On our drive back at a petrol station, we stopped to have some road side chai and your dad was looking for some organic stuff to feed you with. Then in a very philosophical tone he asked, will Aaliyah too come and visit us for 20 minutes and rush away. I could not believe he took 24 hours to frame that sentence. Usually the turnaround time is 10 seconds. Anyways! I said , 'Yes Kishore, she is going to be a very cute girl that boys may want to ask out and yes she will have a 'lot of friends with whom she will travel and its a little unrealistic to expect that your baby angel will go to Goa with YOU every year.

Long Pause.....

He looked at me and the exact expression was 'Even if my daughter didnt want to go this witch will push her away'

Then he says, I will move down south with her...and for a moment I thought he meant Kerala...and then he speaks the rest of the sentence..."to south pole...Antartica".

Thats yet again your daddy for you darling. All I have to say is, I am sorry :) manufacturing defect.

Your First ever Smile

Your dad was working with the forces and just as you were born, he was to leave for a year and half long sailing in the sea. Obviously it was heart breaking for me and you r dad as we both wanted to be with you together, especially when you had come after such a difficult time. You were born on 21st Jan and he had to leave on 24th Feb. With every passing day your dad's heart ached only more and more. You were getting cuter and cuter and he just couldn't imagine a life without you. He would wake for mid night feedings, try to wrap you, put you to bed, bathe you, take you for a stroll and every time you even spit up (which is very normal for babies), he would look at all of us like, 'What have you done to my baby'. You would always have this intense look on you face and he would keep asking when will she smile back at me.

The morning that he was leaving, I was very tearful and just as he drove away, suddenly I felt some sort of strength. I did not know where it came from coz all of the past one month I was just wondering how am I going to handle all by myself. I came back to my room and I was changing your diapers and there was a small bout of sadness that came over me and I looked at you. Believe me, you smiled back at me. That was your first smile ever. I called your dad immediately and told him what you did and I could hear him go silent at his end. I am sure he had tears in his eyes. That evening he has gone and begged and borrowed some internet connection from someone on the ship and when I was chatting with him on gtalk, this was the status message on his messenger ' a young pale beam of a crescent moon touched the edge of a vanishing autumn cloud, and there Aaliyah's smile was first born '

Till date and its four years now and its still the same status message.

Change in Agenda

Right through the nine months your dad and I never wanted to know if need to buy pink or blue baby clothes. All that we wanted was for someone fun to fit into them. Typically one of your grappies said its going to be a boy and your Cheeku always wished for a girl. I still remember one day when we were shopping and Cheeku saw some baby clothes and she just covered her face with one and smelled it and said, have a girl Nisha....pleaseee!!

Then came the day of your birth and as I was being wheeled into the theater, your dad briefly left his phone with me. I got a text from a doctor relative, who happened to have access to our scan reports, wishing Daddy congrats on the birth of a Son. I was like, what are the odds. I wait 9 months for the surprise and this is not how I wanted to know it. But I did not want to spoil the moment just because of that. After the usual byes and when everyone disappeared and I was left alone in the theater for like 10 seconds, I closed my eyes and wanted to thank God for letting me enjoy these wonderful months of being pampered by your Dad and all. Then these were the exact words in my head...'You know what! if there is just one girl left,keep her for me'.

I groggily opened my eyes an hour later and by then you were born and off to meet ur dad and grappies and Cheeku. I asked the doctor beside me, is the baby healthy? I could hear a sound from an old gramophone say in bass voice, 'heooothy fumma bebo... 'heooothy fumma bebo'...heathy femme babi....heathy feeml bubie and 10 more times and then I heard Healthy female baby.

I tossed my head from left to right to right to right to left and up and down to see where you were. My body felt hammered to the bed, but I could move my head so fast, I tried to get up and then passed out again and to date this has been the 'BEST CHANGE IN AGENDA'.

Our first team huddle

June 6, 2007...I was driving back home from an exam, there was something about that day that made me smile a lot..I am telling it was just coz my exam sucked.

Came home and generally chattinga way with your dad and then quietly decided to take a home pregnancy test. I was anxiously waiting for the result to show up and from the corner of my eye I almost saw the result..I ran out to your dad who was clueless and innocently watching some stock prices. I sat beside him very close like a kitten and he knew I had done something irreversible and not telling him from my silly look.

I told him to go the other room and get whats on the table. He went and I closed my eyes soooooooo tightly shut and when I opened my eyes, he was standing there with his eyes sooo wide open, holding out the kit in disbelief and smiling, and one hand out asking me for a hug. I stood up and we hugged. That was OUR..........Daddy, YOU and me hugging......our first team huddle. You changed our life forever..

That night it rained. There was lightning and thunder very loud..felt like a bollywood film..Your dad was fast asleep, I could not bat an eyelid that night thinking of you...I was wondering if you could hear the thunder then I realised what if you thought it was the sound of me burping :P...I remember putting a pillow over my stomach all night :)