Uncomfortable questions? Bring them on

While I was making mental notes from all that was shared in parenting forums about how to handle questions about birds and bees and all about the body, I swear I didn't expect a different question paper Aaliyah.

A couple of days back you asked me if I was homo-sexual.  Your super disinterested so called busy Daddy froze and instead of looking at you, he looked at me. I said no Aaliyah I am not. You went on to say, I think you ARE. By this time your Dad closed the laptop and looked interested/concerned. 

Instead of asking you where you learnt that word or what made you think I am one, Sense prevailed and I asked you, 'What is a homo-sexual?'  

You answer very as a matter of factly...'homo-sexual is someone who stays home all day...almost like a house wife mamma.'

My dear darling Aaliyah you are all of seven and you know why I dont update this space more often?   That's because I am busy answering all your questions.

After i explained to you... Before sorting with me, your Dad said, very proactively this time, 'Aaliyah this is for YOU to know now.  Don't think too much on it and please don't use this word loosely for anyone like if you see two women or two men together...Please Aaliyah. 

He has very valid reasons :)

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Do you know I used to keep complaining to your Dad that you are not as attached to me as I am to you.  I always felt that you never miss me or never feel the need for me.  Especially when grandparents would come visiting and you would want to go and sleep with them, and not with me and I would be miserable.  My pillows would be wet from the tears.  I would cry myself to sleep and all the while your Dad would be consoling me and convincing me.. "Aaliyah needs you Nisha. She is just a little more independent than what is acceptable to you.  Please understand the difference between independent and dettached." "You obviously mean a lot to her and what you feel means a lot to her too." 

For sometime now..you know what..you have been searching... searching my face.  Searching my face for every change in expression.  The moment I look angry, you want to know what has caused it and you come make me feel better.   The moment I am thoughtful, you come to check if I am sad.  You know how wonderful that feels for a mother like me?  You know what feels better?  Your Dad is the one who is insecure :) and I am the one consoling him :P

You are all of six and for a six year old bestie to come and check on me all the time is absolutely Aalicious. 
Thanks Aaliyah.  I love you more than anything.

Scope for Improvement

Good Morning Aaliyah,

Yesterday evening I decided to put on my ‘Sincere mom’ robe and chased you on taking up your books and read your Hindi lessons. You clearly were not very happy about it.  You started walking backwards.  But main bhi kuch kamm nahin.  I took you to the room in which your daddy too was working on his Laptop and apparently also cleaning an already clean room, which by the way should ‘count’ as being participative in constructively contributing to the home improvement. That’s his code for asking for another coffee.

I put your Dad on watch so he could motivate you.  Apparently, the moment I shut the door behind me, you put your book down and reached for the ipad.

Ipad are tablets we use at this point in time.  It will be a vintage item by the time you read this post.

Anyways, When I was walking back to the room, hearing my footsteps you swapped them again pretending to read.  Jis School ki tum student ho, hum uss school ke Trustee reh chuke hain beta.  I actually came into to room to check on your Dad to see if he was still watching you. Who by the way was only looking at you.

When I left the room, I believe, I REPEAT, I believe your father ‘CORRECTED YOUR BEHAVIOUR’ and told you, ‘ Aaliyah, this is not the right thing to do.  You should listen to your mother.  She is telling it for your good’. 

I am dead sure he said it to you, giggling all the way with his eyes wide open and trying to appear to be inspiring. You go on to tell your father, just as you pick your ipad again, ‘Ignore her Daddy’..

I am even more sure he had his heart in his mouth, in happiness.  He asked you, ‘Until when?’.  Again eyes open wide and genuinely looking for an answer.  You go on to say ‘Until she improves’.

Aaliyah…sweetheart, I am sure there is lot of scope for improvement in me.  Trust me, there are other moms out there going crazy with pushing kids to pursue things they have no clue about and I am laying off just to let you BE. 

But today when you come back from school, you have tons of self improvement TO DO today overnight.  Bola tha maine..  Jis School kit um student ho, hum uss school ke Trustee reh chuke hain bet… Doing a lil dance here. :)

Night Wakings of the Child

Hi Aaliyah

Last night I woke as I was constantly coughing. I couldn't sleep anymore.  I just sat up in bed and was going on and on. Absolutely no control on it.  Even a missile launch beside him cannot wake your Dad but he will converse with you in sleep though.

I felt a pair of hands rubbing my back gently. It was You.  You were asking me groggily, 'mamma, do you need some water? Do want to throw up? Do you want to go to the washroom? 

I turned on the lights to see you sitting up in bed, hands still rubbing my back and eyes still shut in sleep. You even asked your Dad for Honitus (cough syrup)who was still sleeping.  You are 5 and a half years old...sitting there and caring for me. :) 

When I was about to be mom, I read all about mid night waking for years. . . to change diapers and medicines and putting baby to bed.  

No parenting book put THIS on it...the child waking to check on me. 

I was never too kicked about being a parent until I had You. Not that I am crazy about kids now or that I go all goo goo...

But if there are parents out there to be...just make sure you get an Aaliyah version. Love you Aal.

Image credit - Google

ATL = (OGT) + YDL(WAM4G)

Good morning Aaliyah!

I know its not called a blog if I post once in 6 months.  I swear to be more regular.  But I am telling you, I am making a mental note of all the awesome moments and me narrating it will be a lottt better than reading this blog.  Or should I just start making a video diary?

The last 10 days have been very testing on me as your Daddy was not too well.  Not going too much into the specifics, just want you to know that we had to undergo some tests for him over a week.   We will talk more about it in person.

I have to say that I have not been more confused in my life.  There were moments of sadness, moments of positive energy flowing in, moments of mixed feelings..it was as if my life page was reloading over and over.  I was a mess.  The first sent a text to Bindu.  She called me back from her ISB class I am guessing.  I cancelled her call and told her that I will only text as I may start crying.  She chatted with me for a while and gave me all gyan.  You should listen to her gyan sometime.  One of the things she said summed up something like this.  All that happens is for the good.  We just dont like some and call them bad.  She said, cry if you want to and be done with the boo hoo.

Simple na.  I am sure you are just smiling.  I held on to that through this week, lots of prayers and wishes from from family and friends. Yesterday, March 8th, I took the day off as I wanted to be with your Dad when he went for the test. In the morning, when I was getting you ready for school, you asked me to drop you.  The school van had already reached but then I didnt have the heart to say no to you.  While I was driving you were talking about some challenges at school and how you were scolded by your principal (sweetie, you are not an angel to her atleast) and how its bad to go to school and how you dislike your princi and all.  It was my turn to give you gyan and I said the same to you.  'Aaliyah , all things happen for the good, somethings that, we dont like we call them bad'.  You looked at me with the strange look saying 'she is consistently weird'.

Tests came out fine, (by the way you dad can hug only you in public and not me :( ) we got home some cake to celebrate and all things fine for now.  But yes Aaliyah, please remind yourself of this formula :

All Things in Life = (Obviously Good Things) + You Dont Like (What is Actually Meant for Good).

Love you Darling.  Let me now go and wake you and your dad and assign some weekend tasks, coz if he is not sick..he better move his ass and work.

Oh My God!

Hi Aaliyah,

I have been wanting to introduce God to you, especially since HE introduced you to me.  Your thatha and paatti have been doing enough already, and you know a few slokas from school too but I am still not sure how or what should I be telling you about God, chanting prayers.  Your Dad has a totally different take on this.  He still looks like a preschool kid with his hands joint and eyes tightly shut as he prays and ask him which God he prays to and he will say ‘his Mom’. :D

A few days back after I gave you a bath and got you into fresh clothes, I told you why don’t you go and say some prayers.  As I was saying so to you, there were many questions running on my mind.  I was not sure if I can say that pray to God and HE will give you what you ask for.  Or are you old enough to understand that you should pray for inner strength or that God is within and all of that.  Well I join my hands in prayer, I light a lamp occasionally when I find the match box.  Since you have been born, its always been for you only, like every mother.

So coming back to you, you were chanting a few slokas or rather rapping a sloka and dancing and I tried to tell you to stand still and say it properly. Once you were done, I said, ask HIM for anything now and HE will make it happen. You looked around and saw some green apples on the dining table and turned back to the Ganesh idol and murmured something and I was curious.  I asked you what you prayed and you were like, ‘I told God to paint the apples red’.  I was amused and said, “He made them like that Aaliyah” and immediately you said with your hands on your hips, ‘Oh God! What a mistake, God has become very naughty’.  You huffed and turned away from God to face the oven which was kept beside the table and you saw a black banana.  Yes, I left it out and it became black, which by the way your Dad said that he wanted to eat but saved it for you. You went on to say, ‘Gosh! What a shame! God has made two mistakes.  HE painted the banana also black.  HE has become very naughty and I going to tell Gina aunty(your school principal) and make him stand in the naughty corner.’  I was thoroughly amused at this and even before I said something you went on to say, ‘Who is God’s class teacher?’

Aaliyah this Divine rapo that you have with God is truly refreshing.  Keep it going and remember that there will be some very religious months(read month of exam result ) ahead in your life and sometimes you need to look the other way when God goes wrong. We don’t want HIM to give you a zit on the tip of the nose, HE will get holidays to fall on a weekday, HE will get you into best pubs without id, HE will make cute guys say hi to you, HE will keep your Dad from beating them up, hair from turning grey till you turn a million, HE will make your guy get you a bigger diamond, HE will make your boss bunk work on Mondays, HE will add the extra 9s to your pay check, HE will make available every favorite dress in your size, best shoes on sale, HE will get you a husband to wake before you and bring you breakfast back in bed, and  HE will give you a child like YOU.

Unconditional If and Then

Hi Aaliyah,

A Couple of days back your Dad and I had a huuuuuuge argument over something we agreed.  He grandly accused me that every minute of his stay in the house is monitored by me and that I micro manage his time, while I end up chilling out all the time.  This is so not true.  Your Dad has only two activities.  Sleep or be awake on the couch doing push ups on the TV remote.  I finally have resolved that I will not tell him anything ever again about what chores he needs to do and that I will hire help until he pays for it through the nose.  But I am not sure how long this resolution will last as I am bursting to fling my lungs at him for all the time pass that he is enjoying.

Last night, it was your dinner time and I was checking with you as to where would you like to sit and eat.  Would you like to sit in the Computer room and watch cartoons or TV room where you can watch your Chota Bheem. TV is a MUST in your diet as it helps you go into a trance and in timely and recurring opening of your mouth. :)

You wanted to take over the TV from your Daddy and I was all for it for obvious reasons and your Dad gave you some crappy reason that it was his 'homework' to watch TV and that his class teacher would scold him if he didn’t watch it. You were mighty disappointed and were scolding him as we walked into the computer room and shouted , YOU ARE A BAD BOY DADDY…it felt like music to my ears and naturally I started putting words into your mouth and you started repeating it loudly to your Dad.  I whispered ‘I am so upset daddy’ and you yelled ‘I AM SO UPSET DADDY’…’I am feeling very hurt’…’I AM FEELING VERY HURT’…’I don’t like you’…’I DON’T LIKE YOU’…’You always watch TV and never spend time with me’ …’YOU ALWAYS WATCH TV AND NEVER SPEND TIME WITH ME…’I want another Daddy’…I WANT ANOTHER DADDY’

Suddenly, your Dad muted the TV in that room and there was a little quiet.  Maybe you made him thoughtful.  I was wondering what sentence to say next...maybe he is a bad husband and that mamma needs a new husband.  You looked at me happily and said ‘THEN??’.  So innocently and eyes sparkling with excitement.  I hushed you but went on and one like, ‘what should I say mamma’.   We just burst out laughing and your Dad joined us too. :)

Aaliyah you are at such an impressionable age.  I love raising you and enjoy every minute of it. I know, it sounds clichéd. But its true. I don’t feel overwhelmed spending time with you at all.  You are so full of life and laugh and cry and be a part of all the pranks and crazy fun we have at home.  I hope I never become boring for you.

P.S : Marriage advice :  Pretend like you know nothing.  NOTHING. ASOLUTELY NOTHING !!  Thats what they mean by 'Love you in sickness and in health'